I want to thanks you for all the love you showed me in the week or weeks before you passed away. I will always think you knew you were going to die. You played a beautiful song for me on you guitar and I asked you "who that group was" and you told me that you writing a song. You would come into the room while me and Joel were in bed and lay on my lap and just talk (talked about anything) or play with the dog who was also laying on the bed, the week before you died, I picked you up and told you I was worried about you and you looked at me and said "Mom. . . don't worry about me. I am going to be okay". We got so close the week or two before you died. We talked about anything and everything. I don't know how to explain it to anyone but we had one of the closest relationships we ever had since you were a young child. We always were close we became closer, like best friends. It was so wonderful. I thought it was because you were now grown up and grew out of your teenage stage (not to say that was bad - because I always knew what was going on because my house was the hangout house). We had such a special and honest relationship. It was very hard for me to tell you that I was concerned about you the week before you died. It was very comforting when you told me that you would be okay. I just cannot understand why a week later you died. I though we had a failsafe plan to keep you and everyone else safe when you went out drinking which was working for the last few years since your experience with a DUI. What went wrong? You called to be picked up but dialed the wrong number. I heard you call but did not hear the conversation. I slept on the couch waiting for you call so I would not wake you dad. Yet, when you called (around the same time you always called) I never got up and asked you dad who called - yet I knew it could only have been you. I feel you died because you dialed the wrong number and wanted to blame it on your died. I heard portions of the conversation and was too lazy to walk into the bedroom to ask about your conversation. I should have called you back once I heard you call but I did not. Everything I did to protect you from driving drunk or being in a car with a drunk driver was a waste because when you did call that night I did not take the initiative to get up off my ass to ask Joel about the call and/or to call you back and make sure you were okay. Instead, I have been blaming Joel for my laziness and mistake. I am sooo sorry baby. I will never, ever, be able to forgive myself for not taking the time to question the phone call that came from you, hearing the conversation but not getting off my but to ask about the conversation and, therefore, not keeping my promise to you that I would always pick you up, no matter what, when or where your called from. You did call home, I heard you call, I heard a conversation going on yet I let you down for not questioning that call or calling you back. I am so sorry baby. It is my fault for your death. I want to blame the person you called but, I know, it was my fault because I knew the reaction you would get from the person you called. I love you so much. I am so so sorry, please forgive me. I am so, so, so sorry baby. I miss you so much