James - I think about you and things that we did every day. I miss you so much. I would write a message to you everyday but it will always say the same thing "I love you - I miss you - please come back home". James - every day I thinks about you and about things that we did, or the accident, or just stuff in general. I even think about things that I use to rub you back every night so you could go to sleep (I believe this was because of the Northridge earthquake). You were only 5 years old. I bought you our first dog, a Labrador, Buddy. He made you feel safe so you could go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
I think about all kinds of thinks about our life together.
I feel so guilty for neglecting you when your brother was born. This on incident really bothers me. I stopped rubbing you back at night to help you fall a sleep. Every night you were afraid to fall asleep and it only took 10 minutes to make you fall a sleep, yet I did not give you those 10 minutes. I think about it all the time. What is 10 minutes. Why could I not give up those 10 Minutes. I still have no answers, I have a lot of excuses, but if I knew what I know now, I would have given 20-30 minutes.
That was the only thing you requested after your brother was born and I could not perform that one request.
I am so sorry. It was such an easy task and I did not take 5-10 minutes out of time to give that time to you.
I am so sorry baby. I love you.
I think/dwell of these things. I just messed up as a mom. I wanted to be the best mom to you.
Please forgive me. I love you so much.