I think about you everyday. I replay in my mind everyday the evening when I got home from work to the entire following day when I was advised you were dead. I see it in my mind like a video, and I can tell you exactly word for word for that 24 hour period what everyone was saying or doing. This is the only instance in my entire life that I can recall everything from the night before you died and the day the police came to the door and that entire day. I have a very vivid recollection of everything that happened and I know the exact words by verbatim from the moment I came home from work and when I had to tell Jasmine you were died. I literally have a photographic memory of that entire time period.
I miss you so much It is really been hitting me hard the last few weeks. I miss you so much and I love so so so much. Life will never be the same again. Everyday is still a hard ship trying to make everyone happy around (I know I have made everyone miserable) but I don't know how to be my old self. I am trying but everything around us seems to be a problems. Maybe it has always been that way but because we were all happy together nothing was a big deal because we had the perfect life. As a family we loved each other and talked about everything in our lives. I don't know. I pray every night that our remaining family will be in that loving, caring place that we were at before you died. I hope I can find my way back home.
Love you for ever. You were a wonderful son and person. And I miss talking the shit and laughing. You were always so honest about things that bothered you. I miss the talk. Love you baby.